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11:03 a.m. - 2008-05-22
Pats World Chapter-1

✮✯✮Chapter:1✯No One Understands ✮✯✮

✧✯✯ Pat ✯✧ ✯ ✧✯ {It breaks my heart to see you suffer} ✯✯✧

MORNING:
Patrick left the bathroom, showered and feeling refreshing. Even with his thoughts racing like they were he felt more at ease, more alert now. He noticed Joe standing in the kitchen watching the coffee pot as if it were his last hope on earth.
“You ok, you look like your about to commit coffee pot homicide” Pat said laughing as he entered the kitchen and leaned himself against the counter, propped up nicely by his elbows
“I will if this damn thing doesn’t brew faster, I feel like I slept for 12 years and still need rest, rip van winkel eat your heart out. I need coffee to survive the day. But this beastly contraption of coffee brewage refuses to obey commands of speeding up. Guess it doesn’t speak English?” Joe said laughing
“nope its definitely German, that’s why it hates you, its ‘cuz you’re a jew!” Pat added laughing at patting joe gently on the back
“Oh I see, damn nazi coffee pots. That’s the last time we use a... how the hell do you pronounce that” Joe said attempting to read the coffee pot logo
“ummm its japanese I lied” Pat said glancing over at the coffee pot
“Oh well its still a racist piece of shit that won’t brew fast enough for my liking!” Joe said glaring at the half full coffee pot with disgust.
“You know showing it hate won’t make it any less racist right? It’ll just become more prejudice as time goes on, in fact your only justifying its hate of the jews joe! Your making it racist! Give it love and compliment its fine brewing skills, maybe it’ll love you then?” Pat said petting the coffee pot and laughing
“what you want me to use cheesy pick up lines and compliment its oh so sexy physique? Seriously man, the racist coffee pot from hell can blow me before it even thinks it’ll get one nice word out of my mouth!” Joe added again glaring at the evil contraption that was refusing to work to its full potential
“you know what, I’ll watch the coffee, maybe it’ll love me more. You go see if Pete or Andy are awake yet and ask if they want any alright. By the time you get back it’ll be brewed I promise, watch it’ll love me. You go... JEW BE GONE! FLEE!” Pat said rushing Joe out of the kitchen and on his way. Joe left but not before glaring at Pat and adding in his two cents
“Jew be gone? well, well, well, seems the coffee pot ain’t the only racist in this household!” and with a laugh Joe was on his way to Andy’s room to spread the love of caffeine at 7 am on a Saturday. Gotta love days where thanks to routine you can’t sleep in.
Andy emerged from his room mere seconds before Joe knocked on the door and unintentionally accosted poor Andy
“WHAT THE HELL! Trying to knock me out before I’m awake, I see how it goes. I’m the drummer so I get the beat down? That it Trohman? Trying to beat me before I beat you?” Andy said laughing and pushing past joe rather fiercely “Watch it Trohman, I’ma get you back, and I’ma get you damn good!”
“Right there drummer boy, I’m afraid, no really I am. This face, this face right here, pure fear I swear” Joe said laughing at Andy’s mock threat. “Face it Andy, you couldn’t take me down if you tried, you may know karate but I Karazay!”
“Man I think you are so adept at crazy they may eventually put your picture in as part of the definition” Andy said trying to maintain a straight face as Joe shot him the first dirty look of the day.
“I’ma go wake Pete, maybe he’ll show some jew lovin ways, because so far, y’all suck worse then... Never mind, why waste my time, energy and wit on you fools. It’s too early for your comprehension to grasp it anyways” That being said he walked off to Pete’s room still laughing a bit at his almost attack on poor Andy.
Joe approached Petes door quietly in hopes he’d be able to hear if Pete was awake and or ready prepared to be greeted by anyone but himself. When soft rustling was heard on the other side of the door, he took it as a sign to let his presence be known. Joe knocked softly on the door and waited, he knew how much Pete hated people walking into his room without knocking first. He waited patiently for an answer, any reply at all. But no, nothing, just more sounds of rustling papers. Joe didn’t want to intrude quite yet knowing full well that Mr. Peter Wentz was NOT a morning person. He was especially not a 7 am in the morning person. But Joe knew from the sound of shuffling papers Pete was in fact awake, and definitely awake enough to get some nice warm java into his system. So he cautiously opened the door, peeking in slightly hoping Pete was at least clothed. As Joe left the room Pat told Andy the tale of the racist coffee pot of doom and Joe’s quarrel with it. Andy had a good laugh over the irony of it all before taking a slight fall over the mountainous body that was Hemingway, laying as always sprawled awkwardly across the floor. The English bulldog was pretty much the bands mascot. Despite his large ways he was a quiet and usually hyper active dog, always happy to make new friends. The true good spirit of the group. And they all adored him, his drooling ways and all.
“Hey hemmy you great heifer” Andy said standing and brushing himself off the dogs only reply was a disgruntled whine and rolling over. “BEAST! One day I shall vanquish thee!” Andy said in hopes of getting the dog to respond. Pat couldn’t help but laugh, it’s a dog, I mean seriously what will threatening it do other then maybe get you soggy shoes in a form of revenge.
“Laugh all you want man that dog is out to get me” Andy said pointing evilly at poor little Hemingway
“Paranoia? Let me guess the government is out to get you too aren’t they?” Pat said mocking Andy’s little fit
“No see they gave up because well, they discovered my ways of the ninja to be far to superior for them to follow. So I’m safe from them, but the dog, oh he’s devious” Andy said somehow maintaining a straight face.
Pat almost feel over in his seat trying not to laugh, but it was without result. Laughter found him just as a very frustrated looking joe re-entered the living room area.
“Hey super jew. Is he having coffee? Or are we shunning him due to racist coffee pots as well?” Pat said laughing slightly
“He’s seriously stressing again guys, I ain’t going back in there. YOU bring him java, and YOU talk to him. I only make him angry, or so I’m realizing” Joe said throwing himself down onto the couch and sighing “Know what man I seriously give up trying to not get on his nerves. I mean seriously, fuck it. I’m gonna piss him off on purpose eventually because this pity party bull shit is messing with my natural mellow towards life!”
“Know what Joe, I think its best I take his coffee in and I try talking to him” Pat said patting Joe on the shoulder hoping somehow someway it offer Joe a bit of comfort. Joe’s sigh was the only response.
“Alright you do that, if you don’t come back we’ll send hem in there after you ok? “ Andy said laughing as he pushed the dog out of his way slightly with his foot “Hem is great back up, I mean look at him, he’s a tank!”
“Yeah a full tank...” Joe said before bursting into a fit of laughter
“Oh yeah, glad to know you two have my back in case of an emergency guys. Truly you’re just such great friends. No really I mean it” Pat said with far from subtle sarcasm
*oh yeah genius idea the dog can save me. Like Pete’s truly that bad* Pat thought to himself as he mixed Pete’s ridiculously sweetened coffee. 7 sugars and milk, a crazy concoction of more sugar then coffee, but Pete liked his morning syrup, so why argue.
Pat slowly walked over to Pete’s door, coffee in hand. *it’s a peace offering, he’ll feel better after this, yep*
Pat knocked on the door with his free hand and waited patiently.
“Gimme a sec Joe” Pete answered from behind the solid wood frame “You got that coffee man? Its cruel to joke about java this early!”
“Ummm its not Joe, but I do have your coffee” Pat replied gently as he entered the room smiling as always. His upbeat nature prevented him from not smiling, it was instinct. Seeing Pete half dressed sitting on the bed didn’t hurt either.
“You gonna take this? Its kinda hot to hold” Pat said half laughing to himself at the look on Pete’s face, he never was an easy to read person. But this look, this one Pat knew all to well. That uncanny love struck in awe look. He’d seen it many times years ago. Back when things between him and Pete had still made sense. Now, now it all seemed faded and unreal.
“Oh shit, yeah sorry man” Pete replied snapping out of his seeming daze grabbing the coffee and making his way back to his desk, placing it down he turned around facing Pat once again, and Pat fell victim to that stare. A target but more then willing to be.
“Thanks for bringing me my coffee, I think I pretty much would have died without it at this point” Pete said now looking at the ground. Pat knew why, Pete realized how he was staring and apparently he was ashamed. The thought of Pete being ashamed of his feelings made Pats stomach churn uncomfortably. *Great well that just makes this day complete doesn’t it, I sit up all night wanting to tell him how I feel only to find out that even if he feels the same he’s too ashamed to show it. Life again wins the hand and I’m left penniless and alone. Oh well best make the most of a grey sky day* Pat thought as he casually made his way towards the desk and sat on the edge of Petes bed mere inches away “Nightmares again?” He asked turning to Pete, hoping to get anything as an answer. Anything as a sign that maybe there was hope
“Yeah but its nothing I can’t handle, I’ve always had nightmares, you know that. You’ve been around for quite a few of them even” Pete’s laughter was forced and Pat could tell, Petes laugh was melodic, this was anything but. It sound more of pain then merriment and happiness.
“It still bugs you doesn’t it, not being able to stop them?” Pat said wishing he hadn’t when he heard the pain in his own voice
“kinda I guess, I mean I’m kinda used to them now, but recently they’ve been worse, more frequent. I can’t even sleep half the time, probably afraid that even if I try to sleep I’ll just have a nightmare and jolt awake anyways. Kinda seems pointless” Pete stared at Pat long and hard. It sent Pat’s mind reeling, He loved those eyes, loved the power they had over him. Despite his hate for seeming vulnerable and in need. It seemed different with Pete. Pete had never made him feel weak and out of control. He more just made him feel.. Safe. Pat prayed his emotions we’re showing in his eyes. He knew he could hide almost anything from the world. But then again that was only if he wanted to....
“Anything on your mind? Maybe something’s bugging you and that’s why you can’t sleep, maybe the nightmares are because of it to. I mean you never were the greatest at dealing with emotions Pete” Pat looked up at Pete with his mind racing of the times they were together. The fights caused mainly by Pete’s inability to communicate his feelings and Pats ability to over react.
“Sorry for saying so, but we both know its true” Pat added trying to lighten the mood “You can still talk to me you know, if anything what so ever is on your mind Pete. I want us to be able to still talk, you know, like we used to. We used to be so close. I mean I realize a lot has changed and times were different then. Hell we were different then. But that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you, you’re still one of my best friends... you always will be...” Pat hoped desperately that his words wouldn’t shut Pete down and close him off. Pete had a tendency of getting lost in his head and staying there for elongated periods of time. Times of silence that brutally tainted Pats ever happy world. He hated not having Pete and him as close as they once were. It wasn’t just about losing his best friend, his lover... It was about losing the side of him that only Pete knew.
Pat wanted desperately to go back and fix things, instead of wanting to leave Pete that night he would have wanted to leave Jess, to hold on desperately to the happiness Pete had brought him. To the happiness they brought each other. But tings were different now, they were different now. Pat realized the impact of his own words and tried desperately to make Pete look into his eyes, eyes screaming please, no, don’t listen to me.
“Pete... Are you ok?” Pat heard the concern in his own voice, he knew by the look in Pete’s eyes that his own worry had managed to bring Pete insecurities back out of hiding. Pete hated worrying people, and it always seemed worse when those people involved him. Pat sat in silence just staring into Petes eyes. His mind was racing, a flash flood of memories that wouldn’t die, that he never wanted to die. Then finally, a response.
“Yeah, I’m fine, I was just thinking” Pete said laughing another forced laugh that caused a chill to run down Pat’s spine, something wasn’t right, something needed saying and wasn’t getting voiced. “ sorry about that, didn’t mean to worry you there. I kinda zone in and out sometimes. Guess that’s what happens when you don’t get much sleep, your brain works a whole lot slower and your body reacts even worse” Pete continued to say turning away from Pat slightly and avoiding eye contact. The sudden break in eye contact caused Pat to sigh. Apparently Pete hadn’t heard him though, either that or he was ignoring it.
“Yupp, that definitely sounds like sleep deprivation to me, and these days I know the feeling all too well...” Pat cut his sentence short and stared blankly at the wall, he wasn’t sure how to deal with this. Seeing Pete so conflicted, it hurt him deeper then if it had been he himself in pain. When your in love all you want is to see that person happy. Not see them like this, lost, alone confused and conflicted... He could feel Petes eyes on him, and he didn’t care. He wanted to cry, to run to scream. Anything to stop this pain he was feeling. It was slowly creeping over him, consuming him, destroying him. He hated it. He wanted things to be ok again, to be like before. To have Pete pull him into one of those spur of the moment kisses like he used to. He wanted to hold Pete like he used to, to comfort him and make it all seem ok . Just for a few seconds, he wanted to feel that passion, that freedom, that love again. He wanted this, wanted him. But now seemed the worst time to ever even come close to considering them again. With Pete as was, all hope just seemed, well, lost....


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